Day46- WEC- It's the Climb!

For the last 2 to 3 days I couldn't absorb any new information into my system. Everything seemed to have come to a stop. All I could do was to sleep and kill time.

Then I realised our bodies have a way of handling different situations. My brain knows I am starting with a major study course from the 25th, I have been thinking over it and preparing myself for it for almost a year now. All preparations are made- Room cleaned, all health check up's done, all material ordered and kept in place. Now the only thing that needs to be done is to open myself up to the information, knowledge , wisdom that I will be receiving for the next 3 years. For that I have emptied my cup as much as I could of previous lessons. I have tried and broken walls and blockages to the flow of knowledge, whether that was fear, over confidence, lack of confidence, insecurity etc.

It took me some time to realise but I am empty of thoughts and concerns right now. My mind did try to mess around by clinging on to some old concerns for a while...but I gently put it in it's place. I need all the focus , and every bit of my intellect, willpower, maturity, ability to grasp and analyse to be able to climb now. I don't know how steep it will be. But I am ready!

On your marks,
Get set,
Go!

Day 45- WEC- Kangana Ranaut

I am proud of this woman for several reasons. She is the real hero. Although she is not my favourite actor, I like the way she represents women at every level.

I am surprised with the kind of attacks she is faced with on a regular basis. I wonder how I would have handled it , if I was in her place. Difficult!

Don't people think before posting a negative comment about somebody? Don't they think about themselves , like who am I to say that to her? What have I done in my life to mock her? Or at the least, okay , I don't understand what this woman is saying, but that doesn't give me any right to troll her or try and embarras her in any way. It's not like Kangana has personally hurt all these people who are attacking her , especially the online community. It's as if people have just decided to target her, like Alia Bhatt was targeted and called stupid when she entered the industry. Who are all these people spreading all this negativity? And what do they do in their lives? I can imagine how pathetic their condition must be. For no person coming from a decent background and with a happy life would ever think of mocking other people. It's only the sad people who do that.

Day 44- WEC- The Grind starts!

The grind starts from Monday.
Shastra Shaala from 7 am till 6 pm. I look forward to a hectic and a busy schedule . But want to make sure I don't push it too much.

Busy cleaning my room, prepping for the course, lining up activities- wedding's on the cards and then possibly kids. ..Maybe..If God wills! Wow! Next 3 to 5 years will change my life, I can see it coming. And the person who started this all was none other than Amol.
We still can't believe we are in a relationship.
I have known him since my childhood. he was my senior in school. And then we went trekking together and organised camps together too. But nothing ever clicked. I thought he would never go for someone like me, I thought he didn't like me. And he says he wondered why I always kept that distance with him.
Life is strange, really strange. It surprises us in ways we can never expect in our wildest dreams and fantasies. I always got the feeling that my partner would be someone I have known a long time, maybe even before I became conscious of myself. But when I looked around I found no one.

This deja vu thing has happened with me so many times. It's only later that I realise, oh yeah, I did think about it but I hadn't considered it for some absurd reason.

Sometimes I wish I could fast forward and watch what's going to happen 10 years later. Because if I had ff'd 10 years back, me and Amol were on a trekking trip. I was married to his friend then. And there was no chance to even look in each other's eyes. Hell ! No way! I was unhappy in my marriage, and he knew it but I am glad he never crossed my way. I am glad no man crossed my way when I was in trouble. It is better to learn to stand up by yourself rather than take someone's help. I am glad he stood on the sidelines a long time and watched me stand and run again. But before he could say something I had already run far away, to different places and with different men.

But there is a saying, what you deserve always finds it's way to you. And so did we. We wish we had been together earlier. He was alone all this time and I was stuck in one bad relationship after another. A relationship would have done much healing to both our souls years earlier. But everything happens at the right time. In 2014 I didn't want to marry, by 2016 I didn't want to settle in Goa, I still had things on my things to do list- to explore, to try out! Travel alone, take some more risks. I was absolutely done by December 2017 when I faced a criminal assault from a known person while I was on one of my travels! I was scared for my life but also confident that I could survive anything. Then why was I scared to step back in Goa? I spent the last 10 years training myself for a hard life. Physical attacks or verbal abuses or mental games- I had survived it all.

I am ready for Goa.
More than what it can challenge me with.
Bring it on!

Day 43- WEC- Back from Vipassana course #3

I attended my first Vipassana course in 2012. I was in my mid 20's and I did it as a part of my spiritual shopping journey. Definitely , I was searching for answers but I didn't have the kind of depth that would let me understand the course 100%. Therefore after the course I continued to do the same old things I had been doing before the course. See, here's the thing. After this course one must change his or her lifestyle at least till 20 % to see some real change and benefits. I kept the whole thing an intellectual pursuit! Big mistake!

In 2017 I attended my 2nd course. This time I understood it better, deeper. Realised I shouldn't have continued with certain bad habit patterns. Stopped eating non veg, consuming alcohol and other herbs.

I saw the benefits of all that in this course. Wow! If one does it right, Vipassana is really all one needs. The problem is with us. We aren't as committed as the course requires us to be. Now before attending my next , I need to meditate twice a day on a daily basis for at least an hour each in adhishthana ( sitting posture with strong determination of not moving for an hour). I have already quit consuming onion and garlic. In my experience, I take around a year to change an existing habit pattern or  make a new habit. So meditating twice a day is going to take some time to actually come into practice. But now that I know it's worth it, it's easier to put the habit in place.

Day 42-WEC- When my younger sister asked for dating advice!

Women older to me and those my age feel I am an epic failure on the stage of dating and relationships since I haven't been as stable as most others.

But younger women feel a greater connect to me because they have had breakups. They didn't believe in making the first relationship work by hook or by crook due to social pressures. They gave wings to their ego's and self worth. "We matter" they say. And our time here on earth is precious. We will not take bs* from men!

So that's where I come in with my relationship advice to the young women of today. After some serious failures , here is what I have to say about how to choose a guy for a long term relationship :

What I learnt over all these years of dating is this:

1. There is no perfect match but there can be an ideal match. And the ideal matches are between two people whose core values vibe. For an example you believe in women's rights, environmental issues, patriotism. If you find a man whose values are opposite to this , then it won't work. Again, how much of personal space both of u require, how much is too much with regards to key issues etc are major determinants.

2. Another major determinant is temperament. How does he manage his temper? Does he go into a silence mode, is he revengeful? Does he verbally start abusing when he gets angry or starts throwing things? Or worst does he get physically abusive? I had my problems with men because I couldn't tolerate their temperament. Bhai (my father) has never lost his calm, so having a father like that meant that I was never exposed to male tantrums. And this they will never tell u. They never tell how they manage anger. So test them on this. Test their patience intentionally and u remain calm and observe what they do.

3. How much do u know yourself? Since we aren't the kind of women who are ready to merge our personalities 100% with our partners, it's important to know what u r made up of. Turns out over 70% of who we are is in our blind spots. We overlook certain aspects of ourselves. Ask some of ur closest people to tell u 10 things about u that they have known about u for the past 10 years. Then combine all those 10 points and u have ur 10 most prominent qualities. That is who u really are, and ur partner needs to know that about u and he needs to agree to accept u with all those 10 points.ask your family members , friends, work colleagues and teachers to share some of their insights about u.

4. A lot depends on God's grace. So do pray for a good partner, that divine something we call luck is definitely needed. Everything comes to u only at the right time, Only when u r aligned right. No matter how much we feel we are smart and able, karma plays it's role big time. The lessons we have to learn must be learnt.

5. It's not about how much time in terms of years you have spent with him, it's about how many battles you have faced together.  What kind of issues have you faced together? And whether you are satisfied with the way things went. Sometimes men we have known since our childhood as friends can be our best partners because they really know us through our good times and bad. The new men you meet are more about appearances than depth.

6. Make sure to meet his family and spend some time around them and with them. Have a conversation , see if they are the kind of people you can talk with. In india , we spend a lot of time with each other's families. And this can be fun if his parents and you can get along...It's like making some new friends. So there definitely needs to be some connect with them too. You can't fake everything, in fact we shouldn't fake anything. These are our families , why should we get into the faking business in the first place? Look for the goodness in others rather than their weaknesses. Most older women are very caring and loving. And yes, definitely spend time with his mom. Because she is there, you have your partner, so be grateful for her presence. I could somehow not think up of ways to separate a man from his mother . It's a different matter when she is overbearing and interfering, in that case I recommend that independent women should not marry such sons of such women. Because neither the mother in law can stay out of it nor can a son take a stand and ultimately it's the daughter in law who suffers. So skip getting into relationships with overly pampered, controlled men.

7. I have read some bit of shastra regarding grihasthashram and the role of women. Whatever I read was worth setting fire to. So until I find more useful and reasonable literature on the subject of women according to hindu traditions, i'd say use the teachings from Bhagavad Gita because that's a more balanced document and does not differentiate between a man and a woman in comparison to Dharmashastra and some other material. When it comes to traditions and shastra and vedic literature, there is enough written about every perspective and no one perspective is the greatest. And I know I will find the correct interpretation of our shastra that is beneficial to women sometime in the near future. It's just that women did not put much thought in that direction. Perhaps that is why I am born. I will study the shastras and let you know what they say. And if they don't say the right things, then I will write a shastra for stree  for generations of indian women to follow!

Amen to that! ☺️👍

Day 41- WEC- What is that thing I did in my past that I am thankful for today?

1. Getting out of toxic relationships to maintain my peace of mind rather than turning into a toxic person myself.

2. Completing my studies and always being committed to studies.

3. Choosing life over suicide.

4. Learning the art of making the right friends and dropping the wrong people out of my life.

5. Writing

6. Constant reading and learning

7. Choosing the right parents and family ( I believe we choose everything, we are 100% responsible for our life)

8. My Indian upbringing with Indian values, because that is what is giving me the greatest joy today.

9. Adopting my pets- they fill my life with so much joy!

10.Always being in touch with Mother Earth!

Day 40-WEC- Find a woman with big dreams!

To men,

Find a woman with big dreams!
And all you need to do is just keep her happy.
What you need to keep her happy is respect....no it's not the money, not the diamonds and not the cars!
She will make you the success you couldn't even dream of!
It's the woman, not the man who is responsible for big feats!
The men who know this, are wise!
Those who don't are otherwise! 😀

Day 39-WEC- How to know when to stop.

This one trick is tested.
When you meet someone and you start feeling uncomfortable and don't know why, or your heartbeat quickens, please understand that this is your intuition telling you to stop. Your throat may suddenly turn dry, you may start shifting in your chair or shifting from one foot to the other without understanding why...there will be a general discomfort that is so distinct, it will disturb your focus and all you will ask yourself is 'what's wrong with me?'

I have ignored these signs and gotten into trouble months later.

The moment your breathing changes in an otherwise stable environment....take that as a sign from God/angel/higher consciousness....and step back from the situation. The meeting may be excellent, everything will seem normal to the naked eye but you won't feel as excited or happy as you should have felt otherwise.

Trust your instinct in these situations and say a No to the offer, say No to the meeting, Say No to the outing or whatever else is planned.

Pay close attention to your breath next time and let me know.

Day 38-WEC- Kids should run our world!

Life is a balance between these two. Expectations and Reality. When I was growing up I thought the world is a nice and a fair place. When reality hit, I ran for cover. When I gave it a 2nd shot, it hit even harder! With continuous disappointments came anger. Some of us refuse to absolutely grow up and believe in the adult's worldview of " Yahaan aisehi hota hai!"

Aisehi kaise hota hai?

When kids go wrong we demand an explanation. We punish them. We demand they say a sorry, we put them on a guilt trip. But when adults go wrong?

I wished the world was run by kids.
It is not true that they don't understand life. In fact their take is more beautiful than ours. I wished if we could give power backup to kids and let them handle matters, They would do a better job. Guess why? Because there is no ego there. If we teach them right stuff, they execute the right stuff. That's not what happens with an adult human brain. We teach adults the right stuff, they hear just about 20% of it or even lesser because they think they know it all, then they execute 10% of which almost 8% is for gratifying their own big ego's and the rest 2% is somehow to show as if they have done some work....you see the problem? And all the powers are in the hands of such adults. There is absolutely no representation of kids!! Children from age 8 onwards can pretty much understand a lot. If we only give them a chance, perhaps we will learn something of great importance.

Day 37-WEC- Bring Home the Sea!

I am exploring creativity in everything around me. From growing plants in old thrown away basins to collecting some seaweed and arranging it in a crystal vase. Creativity is more fun when you make things out of things that are lying around you....free of cost. There are so many shops and show pieces available in the market today. But what's the point in throwing money and buying something? How does that become a part of you?
I want to make my house a place of my creativity. Mine and those who I love. Like Sheetal gifted me a digital painting a few months back and Sharvani gifted me an oil painting right now..as I write this post 😀
These people and their art makes more sense to me than some Picasso's!