Day 42-WEC- When my younger sister asked for dating advice!

Women older to me and those my age feel I am an epic failure on the stage of dating and relationships since I haven't been as stable as most others.

But younger women feel a greater connect to me because they have had breakups. They didn't believe in making the first relationship work by hook or by crook due to social pressures. They gave wings to their ego's and self worth. "We matter" they say. And our time here on earth is precious. We will not take bs* from men!

So that's where I come in with my relationship advice to the young women of today. After some serious failures , here is what I have to say about how to choose a guy for a long term relationship :

What I learnt over all these years of dating is this:

1. There is no perfect match but there can be an ideal match. And the ideal matches are between two people whose core values vibe. For an example you believe in women's rights, environmental issues, patriotism. If you find a man whose values are opposite to this , then it won't work. Again, how much of personal space both of u require, how much is too much with regards to key issues etc are major determinants.

2. Another major determinant is temperament. How does he manage his temper? Does he go into a silence mode, is he revengeful? Does he verbally start abusing when he gets angry or starts throwing things? Or worst does he get physically abusive? I had my problems with men because I couldn't tolerate their temperament. Bhai (my father) has never lost his calm, so having a father like that meant that I was never exposed to male tantrums. And this they will never tell u. They never tell how they manage anger. So test them on this. Test their patience intentionally and u remain calm and observe what they do.

3. How much do u know yourself? Since we aren't the kind of women who are ready to merge our personalities 100% with our partners, it's important to know what u r made up of. Turns out over 70% of who we are is in our blind spots. We overlook certain aspects of ourselves. Ask some of ur closest people to tell u 10 things about u that they have known about u for the past 10 years. Then combine all those 10 points and u have ur 10 most prominent qualities. That is who u really are, and ur partner needs to know that about u and he needs to agree to accept u with all those 10 points.ask your family members , friends, work colleagues and teachers to share some of their insights about u.

4. A lot depends on God's grace. So do pray for a good partner, that divine something we call luck is definitely needed. Everything comes to u only at the right time, Only when u r aligned right. No matter how much we feel we are smart and able, karma plays it's role big time. The lessons we have to learn must be learnt.

5. It's not about how much time in terms of years you have spent with him, it's about how many battles you have faced together.  What kind of issues have you faced together? And whether you are satisfied with the way things went. Sometimes men we have known since our childhood as friends can be our best partners because they really know us through our good times and bad. The new men you meet are more about appearances than depth.

6. Make sure to meet his family and spend some time around them and with them. Have a conversation , see if they are the kind of people you can talk with. In india , we spend a lot of time with each other's families. And this can be fun if his parents and you can get along...It's like making some new friends. So there definitely needs to be some connect with them too. You can't fake everything, in fact we shouldn't fake anything. These are our families , why should we get into the faking business in the first place? Look for the goodness in others rather than their weaknesses. Most older women are very caring and loving. And yes, definitely spend time with his mom. Because she is there, you have your partner, so be grateful for her presence. I could somehow not think up of ways to separate a man from his mother . It's a different matter when she is overbearing and interfering, in that case I recommend that independent women should not marry such sons of such women. Because neither the mother in law can stay out of it nor can a son take a stand and ultimately it's the daughter in law who suffers. So skip getting into relationships with overly pampered, controlled men.

7. I have read some bit of shastra regarding grihasthashram and the role of women. Whatever I read was worth setting fire to. So until I find more useful and reasonable literature on the subject of women according to hindu traditions, i'd say use the teachings from Bhagavad Gita because that's a more balanced document and does not differentiate between a man and a woman in comparison to Dharmashastra and some other material. When it comes to traditions and shastra and vedic literature, there is enough written about every perspective and no one perspective is the greatest. And I know I will find the correct interpretation of our shastra that is beneficial to women sometime in the near future. It's just that women did not put much thought in that direction. Perhaps that is why I am born. I will study the shastras and let you know what they say. And if they don't say the right things, then I will write a shastra for stree  for generations of indian women to follow!

Amen to that! ☺️👍